cydniey's podcast

another spoken piece from "Stop poking me lady"

Open

Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you open yourself to people. . .

well it does matter, it matters to you . . . you're the only one who really knows how much effort it takes to extend your words as if a physical piece of yourself . . . only you are in tune with the pain when the words are cut off . . . only you see the wordblood . . . and sometimes there is so much blood you think "my goddess, they have got to be able to see this, it's making a damn mess all over the floor here" . . .

And you get frustrated and maybe you get angry because you feel so inept that you can't express the pain with out the frustration coloring it in an unflattering way . . . and suddenly reaching out in kindness or love or something positive has turned into an ugly hot miserable thing . . .

And the next time there is a call out to you, maybe you remember this . . . and maybe you keep your words to yourself . . .

But then you are just empty.